simple one: Can I Get a Witness?

by John Wallis

Evangelism has always been a problem for me. I have never "witnessed" to anyone before as most evangelicals picture it. My first image of evangelism was a street preacher who occupied a corner at Ball State University. This man who was constantly deflecting insults and abuse would "preach" the word of God to us heathen that wandered by each day. The first time anyone "witnessed" to me directly was in a bar with both of us so drunk we couldn’t sit up straight. It was comical being told about a book called "More Than a Carpenter" by a man more drunk than I was. That encounter added to my already thick contempt for Christians and their God. Later in life after becoming a follower of Christ I was constantly confronted with the question, "how many people have you brought to Jesus." Something about the whole thing made sick. As I journeyed toward God as a new follower it got to the point that I started lying to friends when they asked me that always crouching question. "How many souls had I won?" Stop, I wanted to say, none all right not one. It was high school all over lying about my being a virgin to all my friends who probably were too.
During my time at Seminary the question was raised again. During a class the professor asked us how many souls we had won. I raised my hand just to avoid the issue. At that moment I felt shallow and worthless. After that highlight of my journey I started to justify my lack of soul winning by telling myself that it wasn’t my gift. Yeah, that's it, I am more of a teacher for established Christians. That worked for a while. But the question kept coming up in the most unexpected places. Interviews for pastoral positions, conversations with friends and strangers, the 5-6th grade Sunday School class I taught. Once a friend tried to allay my fears by telling me that my children could be my tally. Wow, I have it made, I have 12 of them and they will all become Christians because I am, right!
My conversion was quiet, something that crept up on me and then slowly took over who and what I was. I don’t remember anyone praying the prayer with me or telling me the four spiritual laws. I wasn’t sure what those were until a few years ago, and I still am confused about them. Have I failed as a follower because I have no treasure trove of souls in the "book" for my accounting on that fateful day? I have a friend who tells me his conversion rate is 100%. Everyone he witnesses to accepts the Lord as Savior. I can hardly face him any more. Then a godsend, I heard of lifestyle evangelism. Finally I was cured, how simple, my life as evangelism. I could sleep at night, no more cold sweats or heartburn about my failure as a soul harvester. Yet, that train only went so far. My life, when closely examined, is not very pure or righteous. Damn, back to square one! What is the answer, will someone help me?
I have taken the tests to identify my spiritual gifts. I have used my life as an outward expression of my faith. I have even shared my faith with a few friends. Aren’t we commanded to tell others about our source of life? Aren’t we compelled to preach the "Word of life" to others who have not or will not hear? After becoming involved with the current state of deconstruction I was getting comfortable with my lack of outwardness. I went on an internal adventure to convince myself that I am not sick or fear-filled, but normal. Yet, as I have more and more conversations with friends and strangers, the inward journey seems to be taking over. Spiritual growth has become very popular. I have heard it said, "our group just isn’t ready for outsiders" or "we are building our core for a new calling and at some point in the future God will call us outward." I understand the importance of personal spiritual formation and growth, but at what cost? If our focus is always inward we will become irrelevant faster than the thing we have just finished critiquing.
How many people are we willing to pass by as we prepare ourselves for some perceived future task? We can't afford to ignore our neighbors and their cries for an answer to their pain and hopelessness. I don’t think the answer lies in our 19th and 20th century tradition of conversion based evangelism. But an answer is needed or at least an attempt to get outside ourselves. It still scares me to start telling a stranger or even a friend about what I believe and why. I am not sure if that will ever change. So for me the answer is living with our neighbors in ways that cause them to ask us why. "Why are you paying attention to me?" "Why are you sacrificing your time to help me?" It’s a combination of tradition and creativity. One thing my family is going to do is have several bar-b-ques this summer. We just moved to a new neighborhood where there is great opportunity to create new relationships. I feel we are being asked to use our new digs as a place to put together our new neighbors and our old ones and let God do something. Maybe then the kingdom will erupt in our tired and hurting corner of the world.